I feel it’s the best time to go backpacking, but ..

At the moment, I feel like being some place, where I’m sure I’ll be at peace. It is not that I am not at peace at where I am, though because if I were just to talk about freedom and opportunities, this would be one of the best places to be. It’s not too far from my loved ones, and like I always say, it’s better here than in my province. But at this time I really just don’t know what to do. I am confused.

Why? Ing-ani man gud ni. (Ganito kasi yun.)

I know I have to get back to school this 2nd semester which starts in November in most schools and in January in 1 particular school back home. However, I don’t have a fund, and my company just closed down for some reasons. And I might have worked there for a year, but I wasn’t really able to save much because aside from my dorm rent, food and transportation, I also support my younger brother who goes to college.

If I want to go back to school, I’m going to need to have a part-time job, of course, but as of now there are only 2 ESL companies that accept my educational attainment. And this is what I am worried about. What if I don’t get hired by either of these two? I don’t like a call center job and even if I get one, I won’t be able to study and do the job at the same time, because first they don’t accept part-timers, and second, I will kill myself.

So I really need to get a stable part-time job soon that pays good if I am enrolling this November. I am thinking, though, that if I only just didn’t have to go back to school soon, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting a job soon when there is only a few doors open for me. However, looking on the bright side, this new policy of CHED (that undergrads should be enrolled in college before 2018, otherwise they’ll go back to senior high school) will be helpful to me in the long run because it means I’ll be forced to go back and in 2 years I will be finished.

But why can’t I just go back to school and not work? It is because as I have mentioned in one of my previous posts, I want to achieve everything on my own now, and of course not only that. My big brother who sent me to college before is now married with two kids. My mom at home doesn’t have a job. I have a stepfather and he has rice fields but if they make money from it, it’s only enough for them. Sometimes, my mom would even ask me if I have some extra money. We are no well-off, that is why I had to take Bachelor of Education because it is cheap. I also can’t ask my mom to find a job in our province since there isn’t good opportunity. She can probably try direct selling of stuff but people there don’t have job they don’t have money to buy.

So now you must understand where I am coming from. Anyway, if I don’t make it this November, I’ll make sure to in January. Going back to me feeling like being somewhere at the moment, it is because I want to clear my mind and take some time to contemplate while doing something that really makes me happy. To be honest, I have always dreamed of backpacking on my own, or with a friend or friends. And I feel it’s the best time to fulfill such a dream.

For a few days now, I have been bothered I don’t know what to do anymore, although to others what I am going through may just seem easy to handle, like I should just get any job and study at the same time. But how I wish it was that easy. Imagine at the middle of my work, a sibling would just message me to tell me he needs some cash for some school project, or another sibling would call me to ask if I have some extra cash because he has no allowance. That has been my life. Imagine trying to be independent, while being a generous sister or daughter at the same time on a small salary. That is why I am being particular on getting a job because I don’t want to be stuck in a job that is stable yet doesn’t pay enough esp. that I can’t work full-time anymore if I study. This is the kind of thing I barely talk about with the people close to me because it’s kind of stressful to talk about and I’m not sure they can relate, but I express it freely here since through writing, I get to elaborate more what I cannot through speaking.

Anyway, I want to travel, wander, learn new things, see life from a different perspective and just escape reality for a while. I heard that sometimes to find yourself or what you really desire, you have to leave. And where I would just love to go, though, is to my very own province because I have already traveled outside Leyte like to Samar, Manila and of course here to Cebu, but I have never been to the places located in the south of our municipality Dulag. I have never been to the municipalities of Mayorga, Javier, Abuyog, Baybay, and the rest in the southern part when supposedly, they are closer and I don’t have to take a ferry to get there unlike here.

I would love to check what the places look like, what their means of transportation, what establishments they have there, and what they have to offer to their tourists. But, I have a problem, a question rather. Will I do actually do it? Or it will be another addition to my lists of pending plans? Err. Honestly. Ambot lang (I don’t know). I have what ifs that keep me from pursuing it. What if it isn’t safe to travel alone? What if I do not enjoy backpacking alone and I decide to leave in the middle of my journey? What if I don’t make the most of my budget? Ugh. Why does it have to involve money? But more importantly, why don’t I have a boyfriend/ travel buddy? 😂 Kidding aside, a friend / ex- workmate /dormmate who is from Baybay is going home soon. She has been inviting me to go home with her but I have been making excuses like I don’t like the ferry she’s taking because the trip takes 6 hours unlike the ferry I usually take which is faster, only 3 hrs because I get seasick sometimes. Unknown to her, I am planning to try her ferry and explore their part of the world. Also, on Nov 2, it’s “All Souls’ Day” which means my late father, my late big sister, 2 late grandmas and grandpas, will be happy if I visit their grave back home, and my family would be happy to see me. ☺

But.. here is the biggest BUT, I am torn. I am torn between going and staying even when I am actually already bored here because I cannot apply at those 2 companies until later this day, and even if I get hired, I cannot immediately start.

The thought of travelling solo quite scares me. I am truly not ready to go chasing wonders alone (even when it’s close to our home). 😢 Yet I really want to try it. 😱

Anyway, we will see. So, if you’ve made it this far, sorry if it is long and thank you so much for reading and for lending me your ears at times like this when I just want to express my thoughts. Please wish me well in whatever I seek to do. 😄😊😍

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28 thoughts on “I feel it’s the best time to go backpacking, but ..

  1. I feel a bit like you. I want to “run away” or go somewhere else for a while. I’m planning on going to another city on Sunday (it’s just a day trip though) and I’m doing this on my own. I need a bit of space and free my mind if that makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Feeling ko po binasa ko ang sarili kong kwento. But may mga parts naman po na magkaiba. Hehe.

    Eniweys po Ate, nagtatanong din ako if keri ko bang magsolo travel. Tapos, ang dami ko ding tanong bakit wala pa si the one ko. Edi sana may makakasama. Mga ganern. 😂😂

    Saka po pala ung tungkol dun sa dapat maka-enter ng school before 2018? Kapag hindi, balik SHS, or need magtake ng SHS? Tama po ba? Ung Ate ko po kasi. Hihi.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Parehas kami ng ate mo? Sabi sa CHED balik talaga ng Senior HS pag di makabalik by 2018.
      I think marami pang makakarelate sa kwento ko, alam mo naman buhay sa pinas. 😁 Tsaka, yung the the one mo, baka natraffic pa yun kaya wala pa hehe. At yung pagsosolo travel, ewan ko, parang nakakatakot siya na ewan. Alam mo yun, ikaw lang mag-isa. Parang kelangan mong maging matapang para magawa yun although maraming naggaganun. Pero good luck satin! 😊

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      1. Yung Ate ko po kasi, 2 years IT lang po ang naaral. Pero may diploma naman yata. Pero ang hirap pa din mapasok ng stable job kasi nga 2 years. Then may plano po na mag-aral ulit, different course. Something medical related. Ang layo po sa IT diba? So meaning dapat po maka-enrol this coming 2018??? Hala. Another 2 years if ever. Shocks naman.

        Haha, baka nga po. Nadaan pa naman sa EDSA yun. Haha. Charott lang. Hindi ko po pala alam. Haha. 😍😍😍

        True. May takot feels din po ako. Pero gustung gusto ko ung idea ng solo travel. Saka babae po kasi tayo eh. Unless mag-act na boy. Yun bang sila pa ang matatakot na lapitan tayo. Mga ganern. Yeah, kung kaya po nia, kaya din natin. Hihi. Aja. 😊 😊 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Regarding sa ate mo, di ako sure. Pero I think pag bumalik siya this sem, pwd balik siya 1st yr college different course na. Oo another 2 yrs sa HS aside dun sa number of year sa college. 😕

        Ang hirap nga talagang maging babae minsan pero I think interesting talaga yung idea. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think dapat this sem mag-enroll na siya. Yung case ko naman, 3rd yr 2nd sem ako nun nagstop, pero I’m pretty sure na pagbalik ko 2 yrs and 2 sems pa kelangan kung tapusin kasi 4 yrs kurso ko tas magtatransfer.

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  3. My answer to your question… GO!

    Huwag ka na mag-isip pa, just pack your bags and go wander! Explore things and discover something new.

    I’ve been a solo backpacker for almost 2 years now. And I’m telling you Erma, traveling solo taught me a lot of things in life.

    And along the way, sobrang dami kong na-meet na babaeng solo traveler. Mas hardcore pa nga sakin eh. LOL.. I mean, mas walang takot.

    Just last month, may na-meet akong Pinay sa Bangkok. First time nya mag solo travel, pero anu pinuntahan nya? Cambodia-Vietnam-Thailand. Nag tri-city in a span of 10 days. I haven’t tried that, pero sya kinaya nya.

    Meron pa, si Anna from Sweden, binenta mga gamit nya para magkapera. Tapos nagpunta ng Asia para mag travel for 6 months straight! Diba ang galing?

    Next time gagawan ko ng blog lahat ng nakilala kong traveler. Pero for now sila muna isa-sample ko. And I hope na somehow na-encourage ka sa kanila.

    So what if hindi ka kamo mag-enjoy? What if magdecide kang bumalik in the middle of your journey? Ang sagot ko dyan.. SO WHAT? At least you tried.

    Eh panu naman kung opposite yung mangyari? What if mag-enjoy ka? What if nandun si The One? You will never know the answer kung hindi mo susubukan.

    Pasensya na kung medyo napahaba sagot ko. Ramdam kase kita eh. Heheh.. Before I end, let me leave you with this quote..

    “No one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.”

    So, go travel!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Woah! It’s the longest comment I’ve ever got! 😁
      Di seryoso, nakakainspire yung mga sinample. Parang gusto ko na tuloy. Hehe. Pero may gagawin muna ako bukas tas after nun, tingnan na lang natin kung matuloy ako. Huhu .Salamat dito sa comment mo pala. Nabawasan yung pagkatakot ko. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Usually mahaba talaga ako mag-comment. Pero eto na din yata ang pinakamahabang comment na binigay ko, “so far”.. 😁

        Gusto ko lang i-encourage ka at ma-inspire sa shinare ko. Pero kung magdecide ka na hindi, no worries. But of course, gusto ko na tumuloy ka. Yung iba nga sa malayong lugar pa nagpupunta pero hindi natatakot. Samantalang ikaw dyan lang din sa teritoryo nyo banda, nagdadalawang-isip ka pa. Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Traveling alone is fun and once you start doing it, you’ll actually love it because you’re not thinking of anyone else aside from yourself.

    Also, gets sa iniisip pa rin ang family pagdating sa money matters. ‘Yung tipong gusto mo na magtravel nalang forever pero kelangan mong suportahan pamilya mo. Hirap besh!

    Pero yaan mo. In time. Pana-panahon lang ‘yan. Darating din tayo d’yan 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yay. What you just said makes me look forward to it. 😀
      As for the money matters naman, ang hirap yung may gusto ka pero kelangan kong ipostpone ng dahil sa pamilya, pero okay lang. Kesa naman nagpapakasaya ka na parang wala kang pinproblema. But anyway, this time may chance ako, kaya iga-grab ko na, baka mawala pa. Hehe.

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  5. Rosalie

    Besh Go lang don’t be Nega… be positive ikaw pa kaya mo yan… And don’t forget to God alam ko kng gaano kahirap din and mag working student… I know you can find way …let’s pray for it Besh…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I know you did it, right? I saw a photo in your IG where you were crossing a river.

    It’s better to give it a try than wrestle with thoughts of what could have been. You’re such a brave, resilient young girl. I know you’ll get through this. It’s just a part of your journey. This is not your destination.Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm..to be honest, I didn’t ’cause no one would go with me. I mean, none had money and also, there isn’t a lot to check out in Leyte and they’re far. However, I got to visit some of the places on my list. As for the bridge, it is actually the bridge at home. Our house is by the river. I’ll blog about it soon. ☺
      And oh, for the resilient comment, I think I’m still trying to be. ☺

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  7. I ran away after I graduated high school because my parents can’t send me to school as my elder sister is taking up Nursing that time because it was in demand and it was really expensive. I got a job in La Union (salesclerk sa mall but it was actually owned by a relative so they accepted me even if I was underage). I came back when they asked me to (my parents got separated that time) and we forced to move to Bikol (from Ilocos), I applied for many scholarships and worked hard to finish my studies. Di kita iniencourage maglayas lol, pero once in a while kailangan din natin ng fresh air charot.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Actually independent na po ako, pero at the same time tumutulong sa mga kapatid kaya mahirap minsan. Di ko pa rin natatapos ang kurso ko so nahihirapan akong makakuha ng work na gusto ko at malaki laki ang sweldo. Pero hanap ako ng paraan, lilipas din to. Makakatapos rin ako. ☺

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