Confessions of A Sad Girl

I have been single for two years now and so far, it has been good and I’m enjoying it. I get to focus more on discovering and creating myself. I get to show more how I appreciate my family, friends and workmates. I wouldn’t really be sad if what happened in high school happens again — no boyfriend for four years (not like it was even right to have a boyfriend then. But well, my classmates and schoolmates had.) However, there are some emotions that I feel each time I see sweet couples, when I hear someone is talking on the phone with their lover, and when I see women who are spoiled with love by their lovers. Insecurities fill me each time that I tend to wish I had someone. I tend to feel miserable.

Despite these bothersome emotions, I stay single because I believe it is the best idea. To me, these emotions are just temporary ones or at least that’s how I cosider them. I would rather be single than be in a fake or wrong relationship. To be honest, I don’t believe I still deserve to be with any guy. I think getting myself involved with anyone is not a good idea. I look at myself now like a damaged girl because in the past, I would let myself fall easily for the guys who would show me care. I would let them take advantage of me. I was too nice and too naive. It was sad because it had taken me a couple of mistakes before I realized that I should start standing for myself, but when I did, I also made a decision to stay single while necessary or forever if no one will come. I really thought being genuine, nice, and understanding begets true love.

Although, I don’t believe I deserve to get married or have a family, somehow, I hope someone will come and tell me my past has nothing to do with my future, because honestly I wouldn’t want to stay alone for the rest of my life. I want to be single only for the meantime. I don’t know, though, what to do to be deserving again, but I hope someone genuine and sincere will accept me, even when such thing mostly happens only in series and movies.

10 thoughts on “Confessions of A Sad Girl

  1. I have enjoyed your open sharing of your feelings. I agree with your conclusion: it’s wise to stay single for awhile. Unless we have direction, a clear “go to” there’s no point wandering blindly to be doing something.
    As for “deserving”, the thing to realize is that none of us is “deserving.” We all have faults. We all have a past and have made mistakes that needs to be forgiven. And we can’t set ourselves free of guilt. It’s not up to us — only God can do that.
    Teaching ESL? Good for you! I’ve tutored some immigrant women and I know how hard it is for them to get a handle on English.
    The most helpful “tool” I ever used was a game called Memory. Using the original idea — duplicate cards, find the matching pairs — I’ve made many sets (cut 8cm square cardboard cards and pasted pictures on them) to help women and their families learn the English word for familiar items. Every time they turned over a card we’d all say the English name so it was implanted in their mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwee! Hi there Ms. Christine. I’m glad that you enjoyed it and you’re right on the “deserving”. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on it and also with the ESL teaching, I appreciate that you shared a strategy which you yourself. That’s a good one and I can use that. Thank you for reading and sharing again. 😊😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I enjoyed reading your blog. Please know that you are deserving of love [we ALL are] and that God did not create us to be alone. You are doing the right thing by choosing to work on yourself and taking time to heal from past wounds. By sharing your story and emotions with others your letting others in similar situations known they are not alone. Life is a journey of growth and you will find someone who will love you just the way you are in God’s perfect timing. I too am single and am quite a bit older than you so I can relate to the longing you feel when you see others in loving relationships. But know that the best is yet to come!! Stay encouraged and keep inspiring others. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

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